“Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come with swords and clubs? Every day I was with you in the temple courts, and you did not lay a hand on me. But this is your hour– when darkness reigns.” John 22:52b-53
It did. It came over the whole land. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. The centurion saw all this and praised God, but all who knew Jesus stood and watched in silence. Did they watch with confusion? Did they watch with rising disappointment and hurt? Did they mourn their friend’s death? Or did they all of a sudden feel as if they never really knew him?
We weren’t there on that day, but we have known darkness reigning. We have been in the spaces where all that was seen in the light disappears before our eyes, where hurt and confusion, crowd in and shove our knowing to the hidden places. Do we stand and watch in silence?
On this day, that we remember, we sit with the hurt, and the confusion, and the disappointment. Do our unspoken voices echo the voice of our brother who said, “I don’t know or understand what you are talking about”? (Mark 14:68)
Our life stuff starts to bubble up to the surface. Our whispered questions of why, and how, come rushing in. We replay the moments that look like crucifixions, the seemingly irredeemable and we ask the wordless questions that sit as hurt and brokenness in the bottom of our spirits. We try not to move ahead to the third day, but we sit with the Son of God that took ALL of it on.
And as we sit, and look up at him carrying all of our burden, we remember. Not only will he “never leave nor forsake us,” but he has taken on all that we do not understand. He has held all the hurt and confusion that has lived inside us. He knows it intimately as he knows us intimately. Our wounds are no longer our own, but they are his. And even before the third day, they lose their sting. . .
“How deep the Father’s love for us,
How deep and beyond measure,
that He would give his only son to make a wretch his treasure.”
May there be blessings in the remembering, Treasures!